therapy

So, I have issues. I mean, we all have issues. Some of you might have read that and thought, "I don't have any issues." Well, guess what, that's your issue. Anyway, back to me.

I have issues. I have issues from parents who had an unhappy marriage. I have issues from losing my mom when I was 18. I have issues from struggling with my weight for as long as I can remember. I have issues from not dating very much when I was younger. I have issues from being engaged to someone who wasn't very nice. I have issues from being a 30-something and single in a religion of marriages. I have issues from feeling like I live below my potential. And so on and so forth.

So, I started going to therapy back when I was in grad school. Maybe a little later in life than I should have, but you know, better late than never. But even then, I wasn't really ready to deal with some of my issues. And so, recently, I decided to start again. In fact, I wanted to a while ago, but therapy in New York when not a student is not really in my budget. Enter Columbia Teacher's College and a fantastic center where I can go to a grad student for an amount of money I can afford and, well, to therapy I went.

I started going about two months ago and, let me just tell you, I LOVE THERAPY. Seriously. And I love my therapist. I know this might sound ridiculous to some of you, but there is just something about having someone outside of your life to listen to your thoughts and push back when you're thinking crazy s@$#. Or, as is often my case, being too hard on yourself. And there's just something about knowing that I have issues and then dealing with them that makes me feel so very sane.

Anyway, I felt like I needed to share this on the blog because it just didn't feel right not to. Now, how much more I will share about is still TBD because, well, I get pretty dang personal in therapy. (Yeah, I know, you're shocked that there are things I don't share on the blog.) For now, just know that I talk about all the crap I mentioned and then some. It's a good time.

And just one more thing I want to say about this right now. I know that there are those of you reading this who are probably thinking, "Well, yeah, I have issues, but I don't think I need to talk to a therapist." And to you I would say you are absolutely right. You don't need to. Especially if you feel like your life is where you want it to be (and I'm not saying that in a snarky way). This is not me trying to tell everyone that they should be in therapy. This is me saying that it helps me a lot.

soccer moms (and dads)

I met the girls for dinner tonight all dolled up in my soccer uniform (I'm not going to lie...I look pretty hot). Rachel asked how my ankle was. Maria made a comment about my dedication after I commented that it still wasn't 100%. And that was the end of the soccer discussion. I took off a little early so I could make it to my 10 pm semi-finals game and subsequently played the entire thing (we had no female subs) and we lost by 1 point (4-5) to the team that damaged my ankle five weeks ago (who beat us 7-0 that time). Probably not a bad thing considering there's no way we would have all lasted for the finals which were to be played right after.

Moving on. As I was riding the subway home I was thinking about Maria's comment. I am dedicated to soccer. But I'm also dedicated to just about everything I commit to. I have been that way from a very young age. Sure, sometimes I have to cancel plans, but if I've made a commitment to something (or more importantly someone) and I know that someone is counting on me, you better believe I'm going to follow through.

It's funny that a comment about soccer is what made me think about this because, really, I think soccer is probably where this commitment started. I had a super mom who had us all in soccer and swimming from the time we could walk/swim (I think I started soccer at age 3 and swimming at 4). Every Saturday we went from game to game to game (she coached most of our teams at various points in time) or meet to meet to meet. All summer long we got up early for swim practice. All fall we spent at least one afternoon a week at soccer practice. For a kid, this was a big commitment.

There were times I really didn't want to play. I was tired. I didn't want to get up early. I just wanted to watch cartoons like other kids I knew. I didn't want to be picked up early from sleepovers. I didn't want to miss out on afternoon play dates. But my mom always reminded me that I had made a commitment to the team and that I needed to be there. And that has stuck with me.

Tonight, I really was not in the mood to play at all. I was exhausted having gotten very little sleep the past two nights...on the tails of a red eye and trying to get over a cold. I haven't played (or exercised at all because of my lame ankle) in five weeks. I wanted to just hang out with my friends after dinner. But if I didn't go to the game, we would have been a woman short and that would have severely handicapped my team. Sure, it's just a recreational soccer league. There are no trophies or prizes at the end. No fans are counting on you to win. There are no endorsement deals waiting to be signed. It's just a fun game. But I made a commitment to my team and I was not going to let them down.

I say all this not to toot my own horn, but to share with you (specifically you soccer moms and dads who spend so much time chauffeuring your kids to games and practices and stressing over how they play) that what you're doing is so important. Your willingness to support your children in their commitments and help them see the value of keeping those commitments will make a big difference in their lives. At least it has in mine and I love that I have become someone people can count on. And that's what you're doing for your kids. Your not just helping them play soccer and have fun. You are helping them become reliable, committed adults. (Okay, maybe I'm overstating, but you know, I feel strongly about this). So, pat yourselves on the back and when you don't want to get out of bed on Saturday mornings to get your kid to soccer, just remind yourself how much they are learning in the process.

Now if someone would just teach me how to make fewer commitments... :)

And now I must sleep so I can keep the rest of the commitments I've made this weekend.

because it was so overdue

One of the hard things about moving to a new city is finding your new "people" and by "people" I mean dentist, hair stylist,...okay, well, that's all I mean. I love my dentist and my salon in AZ and so, even though I've lived here for well over a year now, I still wait for trips "home" to get those things taken care of. Normally, I'm out there every 3-4 months, so this works out well.

This time, though, it had been since June and while my teeth are fine with a cleaning every six months, my hair is not so fine waiting for a little bleachy-bleach. And so, with about three inches of regrowth, it was time. It was a short trip, so guess what didn't happen. Form over function. Or in this case, pretty hair over healthy teeth. That's how I roll.

Sadly, I don't have a really good before...but here's a during and an after. I'm very happy.

all decked out for christmas

With an impending holiday party, I finally got my crap together this week and decorated my apartment. And I must say, it's pretty cute. And by "my apartment" I really mean "my entertainment center" because I can't store anymore than what will fit there. So here are a some pics (mainly for my sis-in-law who wanted to see what it looks like decorated). 

(the clutter on my counter is due to a party that was just about to start)

My itty bitty Christmas tree purchased at Walmart last year. Please note the "tree skirt" - I got creative with a placemat. And the nativity...well, it might actually be an ornament I purchased in Berlin. And there's even an angel on top (another ornament).

Isn't it cute? I actually bought it because I broke it in the store (nothing a little superglue couldn't fix). Now I'm really glad I did.

And a shot from the other angle.

Okay, so this wasn't a decoration, but I figured I might as well make the baked brie I was serving look nice and festive, too. 

 Not pictured: the gold bow I added to my eucalyptus wreath (I only have room for one wreath--and that's the one on the door) and a really cute silk arrangement created by my favorite florist, Sydne. It's out, but it needs a little sprucing. Just have to find my glue gun... Yes, even in a itty bitty apartment it's still possible to lose things.

thanksgiving

Now that I covered the Thanksgiving drama, here are the highlights: my cute niece and nephew. 

Somebody really doesn't like Thanksgiving dinner options.

Somebody also learned how to ride a bike in about 10 minutes...and that's what he wanted to do all day long.

Of course little miss didn't want to be left out...she's still on training wheels of course.

Family ride time

Apparently somebody has been dying to try this jumping thing at the mall. Luckily I got to be there to witness it.

Clearly they hated it. ;)

Flying high!

Little Miss loves her grandpa. Lots of cuddling going on.