mentoring (or how i spend my saturdays)

There are all kinds of charities throughout the world and various ways to give of your time or money. Once upon a time I was very involved with Sowers of Hope in DR Congo. It has had its ups and downs and with grad school and then moving to New York, I didn't feel like I could really give the time or money I wanted to give. That said, I knew when I moved to New York I would want to find some way to give back.

Enter Minds Matter. One of my friends at work found this organization and I decided I wanted to get involved. As a firm believer in education and as someone who recognizes just how lucky I was to have parents who believed in education and a great example in my father who had a masters degree, and to have their support through high school, college, and then a masters degree, I feel like any organization that is trying to help kids not as privileged as I was get an education is something I can get behind.

Minds Matter is a program that helps high achieving, underprivileged high school students get into college. Interesting fact, the average income of these families is $21,000...in major urban areas. They do this by helping the kids with their test prep and getting them into incredible summer programs (Stanford, UCLA, etc, etc) that help them get into college. As a mentor of a high school sophomore, I meet with my mentee, Ivy*, every Saturday to help her prepare applications for various summer programs and whatever else she might need. Ivy is really interested in French and is in her first semester of it, so I get to help her with that; so fun for me.

I've also learned a lot from her. While I did not have the ideal childhood in terms of family situation, it could have been much harder. (I mean, I knew that, but...) Ivy lives in the Bronx and commutes to Queens for school (an hour each way) just so she can attend a better school. Her older brothers both live near her high school, so sometimes she stays with one of them. There are times when she doesn't get to go home for a week at a time. I mean, she's staying with her brother, but I know it's rough for her. Her parents both work in a restaurant. One of her brothers is a mechanic, the other is a limo driver. No one in her family has ever graduated college. I actually don't think anyone has ever even gone. Things that I took for granted as a kid (like having parents who knew how to apply for college) are things that are not at all part of her life.

This is a great program and I'm so thrilled to be a part of it. Something about having to plan your whole weekend around spending a couple of hours with high school sophomore really helps a thirty-something keep her life in perspective.

The program is funded through grants and fundraising and the various summer programs work with Minds Matter to offer financial aid to the students. And this is the part where I ask you if you'd like to donate to this great program. If you are interested, you can donate directly on my fundraising site. I'm trying to raise enough to sponsor the cost of one student ($2,500). Any amount helps!

And with that, I'm off to run my three miles and get on with my day.

*Name has been changed.

stuck in utah and a small victory

I spent a few hours at the SLC airport yesterday, waiting for my delayed flight...delayed flight that never was. Fog in Chicago ended my hopes of getting home yesterday and so, I am still in Utah. The good news is that I am "stuck" with my family and a bunch of good friends, so it's not so bad. And, while I was supposed to hang out with the lovely Sarah and her boyfriend in NYC, I will get to see her when she returns tonight. And thankfully, they were staying in my apartment in New York, so my plants aren't dead and my mailbox isn't overflowing.

While I was sitting at the airport for hours, I ran into my darling cousin Maddie who was on her way to see her sister, Ali, and her new niece. Then, as luck would have it, my favorite running partner, Anne, was at the airport with her husband waiting for their flight to DC. I hadn't met him before and I hadn't seen Anne in almost two years (since we ran the SLC half marathon together in April 2009). They came to my gate to see me off just as I found out I wouldn't be going anywhere and kept me company while I waited for Southwest to call me back and my dad to return from P-town to pick me up. And, had I waited just a little longer before going back through security, I would have seen Puz, who was on his way back to Germany via Paris (that will be me someday).

All in all, the hours in the airport were far from wasted. And then, because I was in town last night, I was able to attend Jenna's bro-in-law's b-day party and see a lot of my favorite people from NYC; Jenna, Alisa, Sara, and Kevin.

Now, when I found out my flight was canceled, I realized I would be able to get my run in...fast forward a few hours and I have almost forgotten about running entirely.  I got home, ate dinner with my fam, and then headed over to the party. I wasn't planning on staying very long, but I do love my NYC friends and I do hate missing out on anything... At about 8:30, I thought, "If I want to get my run in, I should probably head home."

But then I was having fun talking to everyone and I hate missing out on social time. I texted my brother around 8:40 to make sure I'd be able to use the treadmill (it's in my brother and sister-in-law's bedroom). No response. And so I kept procrastinating. Finally, at 9:00, I knew that if I didn't leave right then I wouldn't have time to get my three miles in. It was decision time.

These are the moments when it's so easy to say, "It's just this one time. I won't skip tomorrow, but today I really want to hang out with my friends." The problem is that there is always some excuse. Always. And so, as hard as it was, I left my friends and headed home to run.

The good news is, I got the run in. The bad news is I am very out-of-shape in the running department, so the "run" was a little painful and even slower than usual. I just have to remember that it's all progress as long as I'm doing it. And now, for the songs that got me through yesterday's run:

I Want You Back - The Jackson Five
Stop - Jane's Addiction
The Way You Make Me Feel - MJ (apparently, Michael and I were having a thing yesterday)
I Think I'm In Love With You - Jessica Simpson
Summer Love - JT

There were others, but those are the ones I remember that helped me keep going. I had forgotten just how much I love Jane's Addiction. Maybe because liking them makes me feel very old. Anyway, I got the run in and felt very satisfied as I went to sleep last night. Today...no running. Just strengthening...toning video, here I come.

and this is the part...

When this blog turns into more of a running blog than anything else.

Yesterday should have been my first "official" day of training for the Canyonlands Half Marathon with an easy three mile run. However, because I'm not used to prioritizing running, when Alisa texted to see if I wanted to go to a movie of course I said yes because I wasn't really thinking about the fact that I still needed to run three miles.

This is probably the hardest thing for me when it comes to training (or exercise of any sort). Prioritization. Yesterday, I didn't want to go running until later in the day. I got up and started working on EST (I'm still in Utah thanks to the great blizzard in New York). Then, I took my "lunch" break and got ready for the day (as in shower, blow dry, flat iron, makeup) in order to meet Brian for breakfast. The fam was going to dinner that evening and I wasn't about to do the whole "get ready" routine again, so running would have to wait.

And, as already mentioned, after dinner I went to a movie and then didn't really plan on running because it was dark (the headlamp is in New York...yes, I own a headlamp) and really cold. The treadmill at my brother's house is in his bedroom and I no longer have a gym membership in Utah. So, no run. Of course, when I did get home, Justin and Cherity were still awake and we ended up talking into the wee hours of the morning (okay, it was 12:30 am, but that is late for me these days). Yes, I could have done my run, but I wasn't thinking about that when I was busy chatting away with my brother and his lovely wife.

So, Day 1 of training didn't happen because I didn't make it a priority. And that is how life works, isn't it. We do what we make time to do. While I sucked it up yesterday, I made sure to prioritize for today. I got up for work (in my PJs) and then, when I finally decided to change into clothes...I changed into workout clothes and stayed in then until I ran and run I did. Today was 5x400s at 5k pace. I pushed it a little too hard maybe (this is another problem I have), but felt good when it was over.

When I was pushing through my last 400 at an 8:30 pace (this is basically sprinting for me), the perfect song came on; Too Much - Kylie Minogue. It was exactly how I felt about my first training run (incidentally, it's about falling in love lust, but whatever).

And with that, on we go.

(A post about my vacation coming soon...and for that, this blog might transform into a "mom" blog momentarily because I am a very proud auntie.)

top 20 of 2010

And on the music note (pun intended), I will now post my top 20 songs from 2010...the songs that will always remind me of this year in my life. I tried to make it 10, but...with my life being so clearly cut into two this year "Before New York" and "In New York", it was just too hard, but I did divide it appropriately. In no particular order (and only including running music if I listened to it outside of running...that needs to be its own list):

Before New York

1. Turn to Stone - Ingrid Michaelson
2. Sick - The Lovemakers 
3. Search Your Heart - Pete Yorn & Scarlette Johansson
4. Your Hand In Mine - Explosions in the Sky
5. I See You - Mika
6. The Poison - The All-American Rejects
7. Poker Face - Idina Menzel & Lea Michele
8. Uprising - Muse
9. Brooklyn Blurs - The Paper Raincoat
10. Corner - Allie Moss
11. Little House - Amanda Seyfried
12. Comes and Goes in Waves - Greg Laswell

In New York

1. Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
2. A Little Bit Stronger - Sara Evans
3. Empire State of Mind - Alicia Keys
4. California Gurls - Katy Perry
5. Alors On Danse - Stromae
6. Teenage Dream - Glee Cast
7. Raise Your Glass - P!nk
8. One Last Time - The Kooks

That was a lot harder than I thought it would be...and I'm missing a lot of songs, but limiting it to 20 made me have to cut things down quite a bit.

top five

I love music...probably more than I love anything else (even chocolate :-). I grew up with parents who loved it and made music a part of our lives everyday...sometimes to our chagrin. (Listening to my dad play the same four bars of music on the piano all day long did not do a lot to motivate me to learn how to play the instrument, nor did it to anything for my dislike of Cannon in D.) 

Moving on. Music has always been a huge part of my life. I can think back to any point in my life and name a song that reminds me of that time. If I were to create a "mix for my life" it would include anything from Metallica to David Lanz, and include really random stuff like The Party (anyone else remember them?). 

As I have been thinking about all of the music-related posts I would like to write, I'm going to start with this; the top five albums from my youth (through high school...not after). These are albums that I can (to this day) listen to end-to-end without skipping more than one song because I love them that much (and they hold so many memories).

1. Shawn Colvin - Fat City
2. Counting Crows - August & Everything After
3. Dave Matthews - Under the Table and Dreaming
4. U2 - War
5. Madonna - True Blue

Eventually, I'll make a list of all of the songs that represent my life (for my own sake...and that of my posterity), but this is where I'll start. 

so many thoughts...

I find that I get writer's block when I have too much to say and I'm not sure where to start. But the main thing that has been clogging up my mind these days, which are filled with so much fun and family, is the anxiety I've been dealing with for the past month...or two.

I don't like whiney pants blogs (I do, however, like saying "whiney pants") and I don't mean this to be any kind of pity party. But I am also very cognizant of the fact that sometimes my life might seem a little idyllic. And while I do have all of these wonderful things I want to record, I think it feels a little disingenuous to do so without sharing the whole picture. When I started my blog four years ago, it was in the wake of a very rough break up (I did the breaking...harder than one might think). I had lost myself in this relationship and the blog was a way to make sure that didn't happen again. In the spirit of that honesty, I need to share this little tidbit before I go on to talk about how fantastic my life is and tell you all about the dinner parties, the random visit from an old friend, ice skating with my niece and nephew, skiing with my brother, etc, etc, etc.

Yeah, I get that some of you are probably wondering what I could possibly have to complain about and, truthfully, there isn't much. But I am human and my life is definitely not perfect. I've debated how to record this information on the blog. I've started multiple posts describing various incidents or emotional breakdowns. I shared a little bit about the "big break down" but that was during a high point on the roller coaster which I have been riding for the past month or two.

Now I am stable. The roller coaster seems to have ended. I am neither extremely happy and carefree, nor am I stressed out and anxious. I am settling into just being...after a tearful conversation with my doctor and a prescription for a very low dose anti-anxiety medication.

And why have I been so anxious?

I think it started with not getting enough sleep. I have always prided myself on my ability to function on so little sleep, but apparently such is not the case. Throw a little PMS on top. Add a dash of the holidays, a pinch of 8 million people in NYC, a few drops of dating drama, and well, you can see that a recipe for anxiety was in the works.

And how has this anxiety manifested itself...in tears...behind closed doors...where very few people have actually been present to see it. There are only a handful of individuals who had any idea that I've been dealing with this. And it's not that I've been intentionally hiding it, but really, who wants to be the center of attention because she can't stop crying. And in the midst of all of this, I've had a million things going on; parties to attend, outings, work, helping other people deal with their drama, Christmas presents to purchase, etc, etc, etc.

But behind all of that I have been worrying. I worry about my job; that I'm not working hard enough, that my managers are going to figure out that I have no idea what I'm doing, that I'll miss a deadline, or a formatting error, or a number. I worry about dating. I worry that I date too many boys who aren't Mormon and that the Mormon ones don't want to date me. I worry that I am not capable of actually loving someone in that way. I worry that I won't find someone I like enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I worry that there will never be anyone that feels that way about me. I worry that I make out too much and too fast. I worry that I don't date enough. I worry about getting so caught up in my career that I miss the marriage boat. I worry that I won't be able to find someone who is both smart and kind. I worry about having to tell someone someday about how much debt I'm in. I worry that I make too much money for some men to want to date me. I worry about not being in therapy. I worry that I about trying to pay for therapy. I worry that I will never be the size I want to be. I worry about my eggs drying up and being an "old" mom; or not being a mom at all. I worry that I will be a mom and will totally mess up my kids. I worry that I won't be able to stay home with my kids because I won't be able to afford it. I worry that I won't want to stay home with my kids. I worry that I share too much with the wrong people and not enough with the right ones. I worry that I'll never just be happy with how I look. I worry about my brothers and sisters. I worry about my nieces and nephews. I worry about what I'm going to wear. I worry about not being able to fall asleep. I worry about what people think of me. I worry that I don't show my feelings (the good ones) enough. I'm even worrying a little, right now, about who will read this post and what they will think of me. I worry...I worry...I worry...I worry...

And this worrying has been keeping me from sleeping.

In case you wanted to know what it feels like, just read that paragraph over and over again, and skip sleeping for 24 hours and I think you'll have an idea. Or you could just take my word for it.

The good news is medication is helping me sleep and sleep is helping me feel like me again...the me that didn't know what anxiety was before moving to New York. And don't get me wrong. I love living in New York. But with the extreme highs come extreme lows; opposition in all things; even cities.

And with that, I'm not going to reread this post and just publish it. Because really, I have much more fun things to blog about and I just need to get this out there and be done with it so I can move on (at least here).

raclette

When I was 14, after one of the hardest years of my childhood, I decided I'd had enough of my life. I was done with my school. I was done with my friends. I was done with my family. On top of that, I'd always known that at some point in time, I would live in Europe. And so an idea was born. Thankfully, I had a mother who didn't ever shoot down our hair-brained ideas. So, when I suggested that maybe I could be an exchange student for my sophomore year of high school (yes, sophomore), she told me that this might be a possibility. Well, that was all I needed to hear. A few months later, everything was set and I was on my way to La Calamine, Belgium to live with a lovely family called the Bindels.

While, in hindsight, I realize that I was way too young and way too naive to be living in a foreign country, speaking a foreign language, in the home of a very foreign family, this was one of the best decisions I ever made for so many reasons, not the least of which was the discovery of raclette.

This week, in history, was the first time I ever had raclette. After that first time, it was six years before I had it again. I was on a mission for my church in Switzerland and a lovely family invited me and the other missionary I live with over for the dish. I was lucky enough to have that experience a few times during the 16 months I was there.

Before I left Europe this time around, I made sure to purchase a raclette grill. Not being well versed in the ways of electricity at the time (home ownership changed all of that), it did not occur to me that my 220 volt grill was never going to pull the power it needed from our 110 volt outlets. My attempt at sharing raclette with my family ended in a stinky disaster of sweating cheese...one that my family often likes to bring up for no particular reason.

Finally, about four years ago, I decided I needed to purchase a raclette grill that would work here in the U.S. I found one on Amazon.com and promptly ordered it. While I have never been able to get my family to try it again, my friends have all willing participated in raclette consumption and this has become a regular part of my holidays every year. Not only do I absolute love eating raclette, I also love that it is a meal that lasts a while. Because you eat as you cook, this is not just a "sit down and dig in" type of meal. It is a meal that takes time and requires us to slow down just a bit.

I may not have thought to do it this year with so much going on, but at Kelly's request, a raclette night was scheduled. (For the record, I love when my friends request such things!) It ended up being a very small group, but I was so excited to be sharing it with Kelly, Jenn (who had it as a child living in Europe, but not since), and Amanda (a raclette virgin). My apartment was decorated for Christmas. With just the four of us, I was able to pull out my table. It was absolutely lovely.

And now, I am looking forward to my second raclette of the season. As the raclette love has spread through my friends, a couple of them have purchased their own grills and this Tuesday I will attend my first American raclette party that I am not hosting thanks to the lovely Sarah. I could not be more excited!

dear you...brought to you by people i do not understand

Dear woman/girl with the long, dark hair who grooms herself in the restroom on my floor at work,

The fact that I know that you groom yourself but don't know who you are should be an indication that your grooming habits are kind of gross. As much as I like walking over to the sinks to wash my hands and seeing your long, dark strands of hair on the counter and in the sinks (yes, plural)...oh wait. I don't. It's disgusting. In all seriousness, do you just not see the evidence of your grooming? I can only imagine how disgusting your bathroom is at home.

Sincerely,

The girl who is grossed out at least once a day when all she wants to do is wash her hands

Dear corporate girls everywhere,

I refer to you as "girls" as opposed to "women" because women would not dress the way you dress. Contrary to popular belief (at least as evidenced in my building), cocktail and party dresses/skirts are not actually workplace appropriate. I get that you don't want to lose your femininity and perhaps there are some of you who realize that you might be able to get some of the gentlemen with whom you work to pay more attention to you by dressing inappropriately. That said, they are only noticing what you look like, which might get you attention, but is not going to get you a promotion any time soon; at least not one that will last.

A quick list of things that should not be part of your professional wardrobe: sheer anything without something underneath, dresses so short people wonder if you forgot to put on pants, skirts that don't allow you to sit down for fear of exposing yourself, tops that dip low enough to show the bottom of your bra, and anything so tight that you worry about ripping seams when you move.

With much love and a desire to further the cause of appropriate femininity everywhere,

Chloe

Dear female public restroom users everywhere,

Is it really so hard to wait the five seconds it takes for the toilet to finish flushing to make sure it has, in fact, flushed? I just don't get it. As a guest in someone's home would you ever not make sure the toilet flushed all the way before leaving the bathroom? Of course you wouldn't because a) that would be disgusting and b) everyone would know it was you. Is it the anonymity of the public stalls that makes you feel safe in not worrying about such common courtesies?

With total disbelief,

The girl who is actually mature enough to flush toilets and make sure everything goes down

Dear idiot jaywalkers,

I qualify this because in NYC everyone jaywalks (unless you're a tourist). So, idiot jaywalkers...while I do understand that pedestrians have the right of way when there is a walk signal, we don't when there isn't one, so it might be helpful to actually pay attention to the lights so you know what's going on. If you don't know an intersection well enough, then use some kind of caution before blindly walking across the street.

While the reality is that this in no way negatively impacts my life, I'm annoyed on behalf of the drivers in the northbound left-hand turn lane at Broadway and 96th because, almost without fail, one of you idiots causes one of them to miss a light EVERY LIGHT.

In the hopes that this letter keeps at least one person from being an idiot jaywalker,

Chloe

Dear tourists anywhere other than Times Square,

When you stop to look at something, don't do it in the middle of the freaking sidewalk when foot traffic is moving! Is it really that difficult to move out of the way to look up at the big, shiny buildings? I get it. New York is awesome. I live here. I appreciate that you want to visit this amazing place. I do. And I have lots of patience for you when I'm intruding on "your" territory (namely Times Square--and if I worked there I might feel otherwise, but I don't), but seriously, have a little respect. Please. For the love of people who work in this city and pay a butt-load of money in taxes so that you have a nice city to come visit.

Sincerely,

A girl who really tries to be an unobtrusive tourist wherever she travels

Dear idiot subway riders,

Again..."idiot" to differentiate from the intelligent subway riders. Is it really that hard to understand that when you who are waiting to get on the crowded train at 8 am stand right in front of the doors, it makes it so people can't get off the subway, thus impeding your ability to get on it? I just don't get how you don't get that. Every day it's the same thing. It is never going to change. I know that you really want to get on there right away so you can get the one empty seat. I do. But seriously, you shouldn't be worried about getting a seat because you should be giving it to the pregnant woman, or the elderly man with a cane instead of rushing the doors that you can't get in to push past everyone just so you can sit down for your two stop ride.

And while we're at it, could you please have your tickets out BEFORE you get to the turnstile?

In high hopes (even if they are futile) that you will some day get it,

Chloe

Dear inconsiderate subway riders,

(You are not dumb, you are just jackholes.) There is a pattern to subway riding that should be followed. During morning commutes, before the kiddies get on the train to go to school, no one wants to hear you talking. And, even less than they want to hear you talking do they want to hear your music blaring through your headphones. If you get on the train and you hear nothing...that would be an indication that nothing is what everyone on the train wants to hear.

As for the rest of the day, we still don't want to hear your crappy music through your headphones.

With little love and less affection,

Chloe

And for my final letter, a repeat topic because apparently there are still people who don't get it (because, you know, all of my other letters have worked):

Dear escalator riding tourists and non-commuters,

I understand that you are not in a rush. That's fine. You don't have to be. But you should be conscientious of the people around you who are in a rush and are using the escalator as a means of speeding their ascent/descent, rather than a resting point in their "journey". I understand that all of the stairs in New York can make you tired. I do. It was an adjustment for me. So stand on the escalator...just stand to the RIGHT. It's not a difficult concept really. And while I do get that some of you lovebirds can't stand the thought of not being right next to each other every second of every minute of every day of your vacation in this lovely city, you need to get over it for the 30 seconds you are on the escalator so that you can stand single file and let those of us that have places to go get past.

Sincerely,

The girl who knows that you can still be touching each other even if you're not next to each other

and the winner is...

#06 - The Mulberry Girl! Kristen, congratulations! Please use the link to the side to email me your mailing address (or you can send it to me through FB).

love, toffee, and a giveaway

During the Christmas season, when I was a little girl, my mom would make batches and batches of caramel, fudge, toffee and other such treats to take to our neighbors and friends (sometimes these drop-offs actually included caroling, too). I remember the caramel being so mesmerizing as the bubbling sugars transformed to caramel when my mom added cream and vanilla. I loved licking (and still do) the spatula after my mom spread the melted chocolate over the toffee. And so on and so on. 

Eventually, I learned how to make all of these treats. In my teen years, toffee making became a source of income for me during the Christmas season. My mom's best friend, Sydne, is an incredible florist who hosted a holiday boutique every year and she let me sell my toffee at it. Then, after I went off to college and my mom died, I kind of gave up on the toffee making. Every couple of years I'd make a batch at a sibling's request, but other than that, it just wasn't my thing.

Then last year, as Monica and I were trying to decide what to give some professors who were volunteering for an activity, and stay within our very limited budget, I suggested that we could make toffee. So, with Monica's help the toffee making was on. I don't remember how many batches we made, but I do remember learning that stirring the toffee as it was cooking was not only unnecessary, it actually didn't help. (The hours and hours of stirring I wasted in my teenage years...) I also discovered my favorite kitchen tool ever, which is not a kitchen tool at all; a laser thermometer. I will never use a candy thermometer again. (Thank you to Justin and Cherity yet again for the fabulous birthday gift last year!)

Fast forward to this year. I decided that I would be making toffee for my coworkers. So, a couple of weeks ago, I did a test batch. I had to try out making toffee on my little stove with my pot in a different climate. As I said, execution can be a little tricky. It turned out great! Since then, I have made five batches with only one more to go. 

And here's where the love comes in. Whenever I do anything that I learned from my mom, it reminds me how lucky I was to have her, even if it wasn't for nearly long enough. And as strange as this may sound, I can feel how much she loved me whenever I'm doing anything that reminds me of her. She taught me so much in the short 18 years I got to have her around. 

While I've obviously learned a lot in the 15 years since she's been gone, who I am today is a direct result of who she was. She didn't just teach me how to cook. She taught me about generosity and thoughtfulness as we cooked treats for our neighbors and friends. She taught me love and patience, through her example, as she took the time to teach me how to do something that she could have done much faster on her own. And finally, she taught me that the only way to learn is to try and keep trying until you get it right. 

And now the giveaway. Leave a comment for a chance to win a bag of toffee to be sent directly to you from me (or a holiday mix cd should toffee not be your thing or should you be concerned about getting candy through the mail). The winner will be chosen on Sunday, so you've got some time...and I will use a random number generator to make sure that it's fair. 

running

My life the past few weeks has been crazy. There has just been so much going on; so many people to see, so many things to do. I've been throwing parties of various types at least once a week and going to others. There are the work friends, the church friends, the out-of-town friends, and the best friends. And while I am so happy that I now feel like New York is home, after this past week of go, go, go...I was spent. And let me just state for the record that it takes A LOT for me to be spent, so you can only imagine how busy I have been.

On Sunday, I began a complete melt down. Well, it might have started Saturday night. Or maybe Saturday morning. Oh, well, you get it. Unfortunately, there were still a lot of activities that I had committed to, and...well, if you don't know how I feel about breaking a commitment, let's just say that it is extremely rare that I back out of something if I've made a commitment and it's something other than just "hanging out". Not only that, but I didn't want to miss out on all of the fun things that were still to come. So, I put on my big girl pants and, as my family likes to say, sucked it up.

Then Monday rolled around and, still exhausted from all of my weekend activities, I had a day from hell. Well, really just two hours, but they were the two hours at the end of the day and two hours past when I had intended to be leaving the office. Without getting into it (because it wouldn't be ethical for me to discuss these things on the interwebs), I will just say that people are sometimes really stupid...which is a big part of why I have a job, so I can't complain too much...except to say that yesterday was not the day I wanted to deal with this particular issue.

When I finally got out of the office I texted Sara to see what was going on. With Sara leaving today, I definitely wanted to hang out last night. I got on the train and headed home and, as is my ritual, started reading. As it were, I happened to read this talk (a sort of speech) that was given by one of the leaders of my church. There was one line that captured the gist of the talk and was exactly what I needed to hear:

"If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most."

As I considered this on my way home, two things occurred to me. First, I have not been spending nearly enough (read: any) time on my personal progression. Second, while my life is seriously amazing and I want for almost nothing, I have been running so fast that I have not been able to enjoy it. Even during my "downtime" I end up either having several things I need to get done or I'm so spent all I can do is sit and stare at the t.v.

So, last night, after making plans to see Sara today for lunch, I decided to just be at home, alone, and go to bed at a normal hour (unlike tonight). Of course, I couldn't sleep, and because I was just laying in bed for two hours, I finally had enough time to think and...well...let's just say it was a rough night. But I figured some stuff out and was able to get a little clarity and a little focus.

On my way home tonight, I decided the one thing I needed to do was go running, so I changed into my workout clothes and headed to the gym. I got on the treadmill, turned on my music, and left everything behind. And I remembered how happy I am when I'm running...not running around, but literally running. The whole world changed in those five miles. I don't know how else to explain it but that. Something about the combination of some of my favorite music and physical exertion just does it for me. So many things that I'd been stressing about just stopped seeming so important. I was able to clear my head and refocus on what really matters.

It's so easy to lose focus in life as we worry about "missing out" on things or strive to obtain success the way the world defines it. And it's not that we are making bad choices. I would say that all of the things I have been doing over the past few weeks have been good things. It's just that they have sometimes been at the expense of the best things. And that's what I needed to remember. That's the place that I needed to get to...a place where I was humble enough to realize that my way wasn't working and I needed a little intervention. And that's what tonight did for me.

As I ran home from the gym (not because I still wanted to be running, but because it was butt freezing cold outside--thank you east coast), Alicia Keys' Empire State of Mind (the one where it's only her) came on. I love this song, partly because I think it's a great song, but partly because this song has become my New York theme song. I swear it seems to pop up at the exact moments when I remember how lucky I am to have the life I have and live in this fabulous city, and I can't help but smile. And tonight, it was just a little bit sweeter.

brunch

Since moving to New York, brunch has become a common occurrence in my life. At least every other week, I seem to find myself out and about on a Saturday morning in order to meet friends for brunch.

Kitchenette - TriBeCa

Yes, I was trying to get a picture of my delicious eggs benedict crab cake style. (I'm too lazy to upload my pics right now, so I stole this from Sara's blog (not to be mistaken with Sarah. I know...it's confusing.)

Essex - LES

First of all, I love breakfast foods, so brunch is seriously one of my favorite things to do on a Saturday morning. Second of all, these girls are some of my favorite girls, so it makes for a very happy combination!

And, in fact, I did breakfast (9 am = not brunch) just this morning with the lovely Sara and our friend, Kevin at Good Enough to Eat, conveniently located between my apartment and Kevin's apartment. I could see this becoming problematic...

boot sandals

This is my new term for "fail". And that is what happened in November. I had the best of intentions for posting gratitude posts but, just like last year...I failed. And the reason I failed was a couple of jam packed weeks. Between work, Broadway shows, a social life that has exploded, the arrival of my Wii, out-of-town visitors, and just the day-to-day that is living in New York city, posting every day was not going to happen. Hopefully next year I'll remember this and find a different approach to my gratitude postings (like maybe one really long one or something?).

And now, to the term "boot sandals". (Oh, and I will post something about all of my busyness soon.) Tonight some of my favorite ladies were over at my apartment. My darling and hilarious friend Jenna was working on a blog post that had some reference to wins and fails while there was a conversation going on about the ugliness of boot sandals, and so...the term boot sandals will now represent fails in my mind. A little ridiculous? Perhaps. But every time I think about boot sandals I laugh. And part of my laughter is due to the fact that I was probably this (imagine I'm pinching my fingers almost together) close to buying a pair because, yes, I sometimes feel the need to be just that trendy.

Anyway, all of this to say that I should have blogged more in November.